The first instance that came to
mind when I thought of a time that I didn’t act opportunistically was back when
I was a sophomore in college. A couple of my friends and myself had all applied
to some jobs on campus, one of which we had all wanted pretty badly. After going
through the interviewing process, I was the only one of my friend group that
got an offer for the job. While I was thrilled to receive that offer and would
have the opportunity to earn some money on campus to help with living expenses,
in a way I was also feeling guilty that I was the only one out of my group of
friends that had gotten the job that we had all wanted. I easily could’ve taken
the job and attributed it to way that the system works, but sometimes we feel
like we can’t or shouldn’t act opportunistically to be a “good citizen.” I felt
guilty that I had been given an opportunity that my friends had wanted but
didn’t receive.
I don’t think that this is as
extreme of a case as others might define as opportunistic behavior, in the way
that I wouldn’t think that by taking the position that it would be unethical. I
honestly did feel guilty, however, which made the thought of taking the offer
unethical. I think that in my case, the reason that I didn’t act
opportunistically, and by that I mean taking the job that I was offered, was
based simply upon the sympathy that I have for people that I cared about. I
felt awful listening to my friends talk about how upset they were about not
getting the job that I didn’t want to tell them that I had gotten it over them,
or for that matter would take the job which would take time away with them.
In my situation, I would fully
attribute my actions to the morals that I was raised upon that you always think
of others before yourself. My mother is this exact way, always making sure that
others are well and happy before she thinks of herself, and with her being my
biggest role model, I find myself being the same way. I don’t find myself to be
as aggressive in these situations or in others and do believe that good things
come to those who wait. I know that many believe, especially those in the
business world, think that you need to make things happen by yourself and that
things won’t just fall in your lap, but personally I don’t think that it is
right to step on another ones’ toes for your own personal benefit.
Thinking about all of the
explanations for why I personally didn’t take the job because I felt guilty
that I got it over my friends, I think that all the explanations played pretty
in line with the morals I had installed in me by my parents, but I can see
where other explanations for different scenarios may stray. In some instances,
the action of acting so opportunistically may fall in the direction to being
illegal or far beyond many persons’ morals. I have had plenty of people,
especially those in my family, tell me that I should have taken the job because
it was obvious when my friends and I had all applied that we weren’t going to
get it and that I should’ve been grateful that I did receive it, but still, because
of the empathy that I have, I felt that it wouldn’t have been the right thing
to do and I wanted to be the “good citizen.”
In hindsight and upon reflection, I
think that acting opportunistically wouldn’t have been the worst decision for
myself and I do believe that I have good enough friends that they would’ve
supported me, but I still stand by my decision. I ended up still getting a job
on campus that I enjoy, which holds true to my belief that good things come to
those who wait. I don’t look down upon those who do act opportunistically in
many situations, as it is the values that are instilled in you that dictate
your actions.
The situation you describe is interesting, but I'm not sure what you did is properly described as refraining from opportunism, so let's try to work this through.
ReplyDeleteFirst, it would help to better articulate the initial situation, when you and your friends considered applying for jobs. You indicated there was a preferred job among the candidate positions, correct? At the time did you know how many people might get an offer for that particular position? Was there only one of those to be had? Or might your friends also received an offer for that job?
The next thing to consider is whether you could have anticipated ahead of time whether your friends would be angry if you took a better job than they were offered. In my mind, this would be an odd form of friendship, because it would seem to imply that your friends are quite unlike your mother, in terms of thinking of others first.
Your story makes the most sense if you were genuinely surprised by the disappointment your friends expressed at their unsuccessful job searches. In spite of their expressed disappointment, however, you may have underestimated them and their caring about you. If so, you should have taken the job. Your friends then would have been happy for your success.
Now let me go out of economics entirely and just talk about my own experiences. Competing with your friends is fine in sports (for example, on the golf course where the competition itself remains friendly) but may be quite difficult at work or at school, because people's sense of self-worth is wrapped up in how they do in these things. This is a lifelong issue. I found that I was happier as an undergrad, where the people I lived with were different from the people I took courses with. In grad school, my friends were mainly my classmates and some of the competition you talked about was there. It was harder to balance this. But I never concluded that I had to lessen my own performance for their benefit.
I do think that happens some to others. One way to make it work is to be a little different, so the competition is less head to head. Another possibility, perhaps, is to talk it out with your friends ahead of time, so feelings of jealousy, some of which may be inevitable, get contained and then people move on from that.
Thank you for your comments. I'm going to try my best to answer them all to fully articulate the situation as well as my feelings about it at this point in time.
DeleteWhen my friends and I had gone to apply for jobs, there was one that was preferred by all of us. We were unsure as to how many positions there, but I was aware that my friends didn't receive the position because they were informed so.
My friends and I had never directly spoke about what would happen once offers for the position were given so when I was the only one that did receive one I was caught a bit off guard. I think that if another one of my friends had also received the job, that could've helped me feel better about taking the job at that moment. I also agree with your suggestion that if my friends and I were to talk about the possible outcomes before hand would've made the eased my feelings and guilt about taking the job.
I attempted to express my feelings on this situation upon reflection, where I do believe I should've taken the job because I do believe that my friends would've been happy for me, but at the time it was hard to do something, like take the job, at the time where I knew my friends were upset that they hadn't received it.
Susan,
ReplyDeleteI respect you for not taking the opportunistic route and caring about about your friends and their feelings. I think it tells a lot about you and your values, you obviously are very caring about those who are involved in your life. If I were in your situation I would have been too tempted to take the job, I would have communicated with my friends who didn't get the job and let them know I felt bad about them not getting the opportunity. This would have allowed me to not feel guilty since I was sympathetic with them but also act opportunistically. However, I do respect the way you handled the situation and think it speaks largely to your morals.
Susan,
ReplyDeleteI respect you for not taking the opportunistic route and caring about about your friends and their feelings. I think it tells a lot about you and your values, you obviously are very caring about those who are involved in your life. If I were in your situation I would have been too tempted to take the job, I would have communicated with my friends who didn't get the job and let them know I felt bad about them not getting the opportunity. This would have allowed me to not feel guilty since I was sympathetic with them but also act opportunistically. However, I do respect the way you handled the situation and think it speaks largely to your morals.